so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
