ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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