im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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