he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
