So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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