i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
