we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you never un-have a 4some
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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