I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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