That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
