dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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