my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
