Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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