Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
