How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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