6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
