Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
