you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
