Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
