Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you didnt know i had herpes?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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