I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
