Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
