Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
