If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
