if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
