If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
