It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
