How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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