Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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