Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
