I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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