can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
