I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
