FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
