Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
