I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If I had your ass I would rule the world
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
