i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Vodka?
Forever.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
