come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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