Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
