I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
