True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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