why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
