i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
