You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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