so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
