I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
