i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
