Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
