doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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