what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
