JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
