Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
