i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
