I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
