i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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