gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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