I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
