I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
