i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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