puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
