i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Randomize
