5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
