so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
