dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
