I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
