im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
