you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
