then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
