i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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